Little spoons don't ask big questions
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
