nut hugger
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
