we're chasing vodka with high fives
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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