watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
did i just pee glitter
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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