Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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