Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
