I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
