I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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