cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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