after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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