dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
