I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
