your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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