FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
