i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
