I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
