i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
