I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
