I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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