Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
