Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
