I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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