"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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