I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
