you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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