Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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