just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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