'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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