i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
