Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
