Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
