We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
