with your own penis?
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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