you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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