Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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