and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
