3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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