A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
