Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
