worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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