Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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