i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
