He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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