i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
