Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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