I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
