So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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