My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
