need another drink. this is the easiest way
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
