can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
